An then what?

It's 32 AM, and I wish I hadn't fallen asleep.
It's feels late and everyone's tellin' me it's early.
I want things, yet nobody's askin'.
I hear things but nobody's tellin.

This wonderful place, is it in my head?
And if it's so damn wonderful,
If it's so filled with miracles,
Why aren't my glasses next to my bed?

If it's so easy to chew, then why do my teeth hurt?
In this wonderful place, in this undertoned pace,
And I've asked you many times, the things they don't tell.
Many times. And I wish, I wish I could get a straight answer.

So I float, and I waddle, in this pool,
And if we're so many, how could one feel alone,
And selfish, and drowning slowly,
Ever so slowly, thinking that I can drink.

And I try, every day, in this constipated movement of mine,
And the months, screaming in my ear,
Angrily tearing up the calendar, on this clock,
That I choose to ignore.

In these moments where I am awake, I run,
Only to sleep at my own wheel,
Yet the will is not mine, and the glass of the TV,
Pounding away at my assumptions.

I want to be awake for good,
Where is this wonder,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
My fist is in your face, every day,
Swinging the defenses.

I'm spent. Of words and cash,
Of rhymes or breath,
All I ask for in one day, of myself,
Something lucid and real.

Something that doesn't look strange,
Something that doesn't feel mangled,
Or used,
God, please tell me you'll come with me.

For this one glorious day,
Of feeling rooted, and confident,
Of getting it together.
Just getting it all together and doing it.